Posts
Blind Waters (2023)
Review: Blind Waters (2023) – The Eye of the Storm (Literally)
If you have ever sat on your sofa and thought, "I love shark movies, but what I really want is to feel like I desperately need an eye exam for ninety minutes," then Tubi has the absolute treat for you. Blind Waters is an Asylum-produced, bargain-bin creature feature that takes a semi-decent survival gimmick and blurs it into oblivion.
The Setup: A Very Interrupted Proposal
We start with Valentina and her boyfriend Weston going out for a nice, private scuba diving trip. Weston is planning a big, romantic proposal—because nothing says "marry me" quite like a tight, neoprene wetsuit. Unfortunately, a ravenous, heavily pixelated shark decides to cock-block his big moment by repeatedly ramming their rental boat.
The boat capsizes, Weston gets a chunk taken out of his leg, and Valentina takes a nasty bump to the head that triggers the film's namesake: she starts going blind. From here, it’s a race against time, infection, and a shark that clearly has a personal vendetta against young love.
The Gimmick: Blindness or Just Bad Focus?
Let's talk about the elephant in the water—or rather, the cornea in crisis. The director, Anthony C. Ferrante (yes, the Sharknado guy), decided that the best way to make the audience empathize with Valentina’s failing vision was to subject us to an absolute onslaught of blurry, out-of-focus camera angles.
The "Squint Factor": For a massive chunk of the second half, you will find yourself rubbing your own eyes, wondering if your TV screen has suddenly melted. It’s one thing to show her perspective occasionally; it’s another to make the entire film look like it was smeared with Vaseline.
The Logistical Comedy: Watching a character try to scan the horizon for a killer fin while essentially looking through a frosted bathroom window adds a level of unintentional comedy. You almost expect the shark to start waving a white flag just to help her out. It completely saps the tension and replaces it with a mild headache.
The Mid-Movie Detour
Just when you think this is a straightforward survival tale, the script throws a massive curveball. They end up stranded on a tiny island with a completely sketchy survivor named Gabe.
Suddenly, the movie doesn't know what it wants to be. Is it a tense creature feature? Or is it a psychological thriller about a weird bloke on a reef who—coincidentally—happens to be the guy who stole Valentina's purse earlier on the beach? It stretches the limits of coincidence, and frankly, takes away from the main attraction: the shark.
The Verdict: A Blurry 3.5 out of 10
The actors actually give it a proper go, bless them. They are trying their absolute best with dialogue that belongs in a soap opera, and the ocean scenery (before it gets blurred out) is quite lovely. But between the agonizingly slow pacing of the middle section, the sub-par CGI shark, and a visual style that makes you feel like you've misplaced your spectacles, Blind Waters ultimately sinks under its own weight.
It's harmless, late-night background noise, but keep a bottle of eye drops hand
