Seriously, Folks? Why McDonald's Isn't Serving 'Soylent Green' Burgers"

The Rumor 

Hold up, folks! Let's talk about this wild rumor that McDonald's is serving up human meat. Seriously? If that were true, we'd have a lot more questions than answers. Like, how do they keep it a secret? Do they have a secret meat farm somewhere? And what about the taste – does it come with fries? Let's be real, McDonald's has enough trouble keeping the ice cream machine working, let alone running a cannibal kitchen. This rumor is about as believable as a square cheeseburger. So, let's put this one to rest and enjoy our Big Macs in peace, shall we 

Alright, let's keep it light! Here's a draft explaining why that rumor is impossible:

"Okay, let's get real for a sec. If McDonald's was using human meat, someone would've spilled the beans by now. We're talking about a massive operation here – think about the logistics! Plus, can you imagine the health code violations? We'd be hearing about 'mystery meat' burgers and 'special sauce' with a whole new meaning. Let's stick to the facts: McDonald's uses beef, and that's that. Now, who's up for a McFlurry?"